"Police Beat"

Those of you familiar with the Daily Universe will know the "Police Beat." The student paper publishes a section of the rampant crime on campus. Upon visiting the traffic office with Pops to get his parking sticker, I noticed an entire notebook of said "Police Beat" items. Here are merely a sampling (and some random comments to go along and spice them up a bit) "A suspicious incident was reported" I'm guessing this is not an everyday occurrence and therefore worthy of not within the paper. "A young man reported to lose (or have stolen) his cell phone." Police, help! I've lost my cell phone. Or, based upon the writing of this comment did he steal (or at least play a role in the stealing of) his own phone. Hey, you over there.....do you want to steal my cell phone? "A car was vandalized in the Marriott Center parking lot. No note was left and there are no suspects." Next time perhaps the culprit should try something along these lines: "Dear Mel, I slashed your tires, Love, Mandy" Oh, the joys of the Daily Universe "Police Beat".....how I miss it!! Thanks to Mandy for her contributions and comments on each of these crazy reportings.