(dating) communication in the 21st century

I've been single for a really long time; longer than I care to admit. I'm old (by Utah standards) and an old maid (by Utah County standards). I have a lot of experience dating and understand the difference between good communication and poor communication when in a "relationship." I thought I'd give a brief lesson on what constitutes good communication and what constitutes poor communication.


I was going to go into a discussion of the hierarchy of communication, but I'll save that for another post. Let's just jump right into a couple of examples. Both of these encounters involve me, are factual and last couple of weeks. In an effort to protect the innocent, all names have been omitted.

Let's start with good communication first.  Guy A who I have "dated" (gone out with? shared a meal with? sat at the same table while consuming a meal?) sporadically, at best, invited me to lunch one day.  During lunch he shared with me some details of his life (which I will not repeat here out of respect).  He explained that it was because of these circumstances that he had not pursued an actual relationship with me. He felt that I deserved better than he could offer me in a relationship and felt that I deserved an explanation. He was completely open and honest with me about everything going on in his life, allowed me to ask questions and provided me with all the information I needed. We left that meal and agreed that we had the makings of a great friendship with no hidden agenda. And, to his word, we are building that friendship. His honesty was refreshing.

Now, let's move onto the more fun scenario; the poor communicator. Guy B, while not in a serious relationship, we had been seeing each other for a few weeks. In fact, he had talked to me everyday while on his vacation the week prior and brought me back a little gift.  He informed me, via text message, "I went on a date last week with a girl I'm beginning to like. I want to explore it and don't want to hurt you, so we need to slow things down a bit." I replied, "That's great! I hope we can continue to be friends." (I know what you're thinking, and you're wrong. I truly meant this as I honestly valued his friendship) To which he replied, "Of course I think you're awesome!" OK, let's break this down. First and foremost, text messaging is one of the worst forms of communication for anything other than the statement of facts. It is so easy to misunderstand what the other person is saying and the conveyance of emotion is completely gone. Although he was fairly honest and admitted to wanting to pursue another girl, as far as I'm concerned what he really meant was, "You may be awesome, but I found someone even awesomer, so Sayonara!" A phone call that allowed for actual conversation and discussion would have been much appreciated. Text messaging leaves so much room for interpretation and confusion. (The real problem here is a problem I refer to as "serial dating." I promise a post on this soon. Trust me, I'm an expert because I'm just as guilty as the this guy.)

So remember, whether dating or another situation, open dialogue (and not via text) is always the way to go. And, yes, these are both real conversations and both occurred within the past couple of weeks. Honestly, I can't make this stuff up. Trust me, my real life is far more interesting than anything I could ever dream up!