As a girl who loves her sports, I find that sports analogies are a great way for me to better understand life sometimes. In basketball, a rebound is a good thing. You're taught to always go for the ball, blocking out during free throws is a must and the more rebounds you get in a game the better chance your team has of winning. But these same rules definitely don't apply to dating. In fact, in the world of dating, there's nothing (or at least not much) worse than getting the rebound.
Unfortunately, when it comes to dating, I seem to get more than my fair share of rebounds. One could even say I'm the rebound girl. I wish it wasn't true, but sadly it is. It's gotten so bad I'm beginning to wonder if its tattooed on my head. Seriously!
Let's just discuss a few instances of this in the last few months. Back in August, when I was trying the whole online dating thing, I "met" a guy who seemed pretty cool. We seemed to have quite a bit in common and decided that we should meet in real life. Our assumptions were correct--we did have a lot in common and got along quite well. After a couple of dates he informed me that he had just gotten out of a long-term (18 months to be exact) serious relationship and wasn't ready for anything serious. Rebound girl!
(Soon after, he started a new relationship with a girl who wasn't me!)
Around Christmas, I "met" another guy (yes, still doing the online thing). We exchanged emails, talked on the phone and again seemed to hit it off. Come to find out he had just (JUST, like less than 1 month prior) ended a 14 year marriage. So obviously not looking for anything serious. Rebound girl!
(Oh, don't worry, soon after me he too started a relationship with a new girl, who wasn't me!)
In late February, a guy I've dated in the past contacted me through Facebook. Long story short: we went out; we made plans to go out again. Before that next date he informs me he just got out of a serious relationship and wasn't really ready to move on. Rebound girl!
(He may be the exception, but for all I know, he too has started a new relationship with a girl, who isn't me!)
Recently,. I met a man and we went out a couple of times. Great dinners, amazing conversations (I bet you can tell where this is going). Just had an all around fantastic time with this man. Well, don't be shocked, but he too had just ended a long term relationship. Oh yeah, and they've been talking again and are now trying to work things out. Rebound girl!
(In fairness to this last man, as I know he reads my blog, I respect that he had the decency to tell me in person what was happening.)
So, if you or someone you know has just ended a relationship, send them my way. No seriously! Because if recent history is any indication, I love the rebound. And, I possess some unfathomable quality that drives men beyond the rebound and into a relationship. If only this rebound stat was as meaningful in dating as it is in basketball!
Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Saturday, March 27, 2010
best date ever
So, you're probably expecting all the details about a date with Bart Savagewood, King of ALL of Persia and the amazing conversation and great food from some exotic restaurant. Sorry to disappoint, but this post is not about that kind of date. This is about a truly amazing date......with my 10 year old nephew.
My need to remain the favorite aunt is uncanny. I'll do just about anything to win over the affection of a munchkin. With my nieces, this is been fairly easy. I know how to win the love of a young girl. We have sleep overs, we paint toe nails, we bake cookies and decorate cupcakes. All things that girls just love. But, with a 10 year old boy, its not so easy. Well, recently it became much easier to win over this kids affection.
One night while babysitting, the kids had all gone to bed and let's be honest, I was bored. I noticed an interesting looking book sitting by the couch. I picked up and began reading "Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief." This book was great! Unfortunately, I couldn't take the book home with me because Grey was reading it. So, I encouraged him to read it more quickly so I could borrow and read this book. I also learned that they were making the book into a movie. This presented the perfect opportunity to spend some time with my nephew.
And, so our tradition began. We decided that of course we should eat lunch before the movie. And of course that lunch should be at In-N-Out. He's a 10 year old boy, of course he wants a hamburger (with nothing but sauce) and a strawberry milkshake. Then off to the movie! While watching the trailers, we picked a few other shows we wanted to see.
This is the ideal situation for many reasons. One, he's a 10 year old boy, he doesn't really talk much - so we get to have a little time over lunch to discuss what's happening at school, soccer, how he should be nicer to his sisters, you know, normal aunt topics. Two, once we get to the movie, there's no talking allowed (which is perfect, see 1 above). Three, it allows me to do something that my nephew likes and continue to build my relationship with him. And, afterward we got to discuss how far off from the book the movie was and how we liked the book so much better (so glad he's learning that books are better than movies).
Its definitely a great way to bond with my nephew! I can't wait for our next date. I also figure I'm going to use this opportunity to teach the kid to be a gentleman - you know, make him open doors for me, say please and thank you (which he has already perfected) and carry on polite conversation. But, let's be honest, he's already a perfect gentleman and a fine date! I love that I've found a way to spend some quality time with my nephew.
My need to remain the favorite aunt is uncanny. I'll do just about anything to win over the affection of a munchkin. With my nieces, this is been fairly easy. I know how to win the love of a young girl. We have sleep overs, we paint toe nails, we bake cookies and decorate cupcakes. All things that girls just love. But, with a 10 year old boy, its not so easy. Well, recently it became much easier to win over this kids affection.
One night while babysitting, the kids had all gone to bed and let's be honest, I was bored. I noticed an interesting looking book sitting by the couch. I picked up and began reading "Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief." This book was great! Unfortunately, I couldn't take the book home with me because Grey was reading it. So, I encouraged him to read it more quickly so I could borrow and read this book. I also learned that they were making the book into a movie. This presented the perfect opportunity to spend some time with my nephew.
And, so our tradition began. We decided that of course we should eat lunch before the movie. And of course that lunch should be at In-N-Out. He's a 10 year old boy, of course he wants a hamburger (with nothing but sauce) and a strawberry milkshake. Then off to the movie! While watching the trailers, we picked a few other shows we wanted to see.
This is the ideal situation for many reasons. One, he's a 10 year old boy, he doesn't really talk much - so we get to have a little time over lunch to discuss what's happening at school, soccer, how he should be nicer to his sisters, you know, normal aunt topics. Two, once we get to the movie, there's no talking allowed (which is perfect, see 1 above). Three, it allows me to do something that my nephew likes and continue to build my relationship with him. And, afterward we got to discuss how far off from the book the movie was and how we liked the book so much better (so glad he's learning that books are better than movies).
Its definitely a great way to bond with my nephew! I can't wait for our next date. I also figure I'm going to use this opportunity to teach the kid to be a gentleman - you know, make him open doors for me, say please and thank you (which he has already perfected) and carry on polite conversation. But, let's be honest, he's already a perfect gentleman and a fine date! I love that I've found a way to spend some quality time with my nephew.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
(dating) communication in the 21st century
I've been single for a really long time; longer than I care to admit. I'm old (by Utah standards) and an old maid (by Utah County standards). I have a lot of experience dating and understand the difference between good communication and poor communication when in a "relationship." I thought I'd give a brief lesson on what constitutes good communication and what constitutes poor communication.
I was going to go into a discussion of the hierarchy of communication, but I'll save that for another post. Let's just jump right into a couple of examples. Both of these encounters involve me, are factual and last couple of weeks. In an effort to protect the innocent, all names have been omitted.
Let's start with good communication first. Guy A who I have "dated" (gone out with? shared a meal with? sat at the same table while consuming a meal?) sporadically, at best, invited me to lunch one day. During lunch he shared with me some details of his life (which I will not repeat here out of respect). He explained that it was because of these circumstances that he had not pursued an actual relationship with me. He felt that I deserved better than he could offer me in a relationship and felt that I deserved an explanation. He was completely open and honest with me about everything going on in his life, allowed me to ask questions and provided me with all the information I needed. We left that meal and agreed that we had the makings of a great friendship with no hidden agenda. And, to his word, we are building that friendship. His honesty was refreshing.
Now, let's move onto the more fun scenario; the poor communicator. Guy B, while not in a serious relationship, we had been seeing each other for a few weeks. In fact, he had talked to me everyday while on his vacation the week prior and brought me back a little gift. He informed me, via text message, "I went on a date last week with a girl I'm beginning to like. I want to explore it and don't want to hurt you, so we need to slow things down a bit." I replied, "That's great! I hope we can continue to be friends." (I know what you're thinking, and you're wrong. I truly meant this as I honestly valued his friendship) To which he replied, "Of course I think you're awesome!" OK, let's break this down. First and foremost, text messaging is one of the worst forms of communication for anything other than the statement of facts. It is so easy to misunderstand what the other person is saying and the conveyance of emotion is completely gone. Although he was fairly honest and admitted to wanting to pursue another girl, as far as I'm concerned what he really meant was, "You may be awesome, but I found someone even awesomer, so Sayonara!" A phone call that allowed for actual conversation and discussion would have been much appreciated. Text messaging leaves so much room for interpretation and confusion. (The real problem here is a problem I refer to as "serial dating." I promise a post on this soon. Trust me, I'm an expert because I'm just as guilty as the this guy.)
So remember, whether dating or another situation, open dialogue (and not via text) is always the way to go. And, yes, these are both real conversations and both occurred within the past couple of weeks. Honestly, I can't make this stuff up. Trust me, my real life is far more interesting than anything I could ever dream up!
I was going to go into a discussion of the hierarchy of communication, but I'll save that for another post. Let's just jump right into a couple of examples. Both of these encounters involve me, are factual and last couple of weeks. In an effort to protect the innocent, all names have been omitted.
Let's start with good communication first. Guy A who I have "dated" (gone out with? shared a meal with? sat at the same table while consuming a meal?) sporadically, at best, invited me to lunch one day. During lunch he shared with me some details of his life (which I will not repeat here out of respect). He explained that it was because of these circumstances that he had not pursued an actual relationship with me. He felt that I deserved better than he could offer me in a relationship and felt that I deserved an explanation. He was completely open and honest with me about everything going on in his life, allowed me to ask questions and provided me with all the information I needed. We left that meal and agreed that we had the makings of a great friendship with no hidden agenda. And, to his word, we are building that friendship. His honesty was refreshing.
Now, let's move onto the more fun scenario; the poor communicator. Guy B, while not in a serious relationship, we had been seeing each other for a few weeks. In fact, he had talked to me everyday while on his vacation the week prior and brought me back a little gift. He informed me, via text message, "I went on a date last week with a girl I'm beginning to like. I want to explore it and don't want to hurt you, so we need to slow things down a bit." I replied, "That's great! I hope we can continue to be friends." (I know what you're thinking, and you're wrong. I truly meant this as I honestly valued his friendship) To which he replied, "Of course I think you're awesome!" OK, let's break this down. First and foremost, text messaging is one of the worst forms of communication for anything other than the statement of facts. It is so easy to misunderstand what the other person is saying and the conveyance of emotion is completely gone. Although he was fairly honest and admitted to wanting to pursue another girl, as far as I'm concerned what he really meant was, "You may be awesome, but I found someone even awesomer, so Sayonara!" A phone call that allowed for actual conversation and discussion would have been much appreciated. Text messaging leaves so much room for interpretation and confusion. (The real problem here is a problem I refer to as "serial dating." I promise a post on this soon. Trust me, I'm an expert because I'm just as guilty as the this guy.)
So remember, whether dating or another situation, open dialogue (and not via text) is always the way to go. And, yes, these are both real conversations and both occurred within the past couple of weeks. Honestly, I can't make this stuff up. Trust me, my real life is far more interesting than anything I could ever dream up!
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